Bi The Way: Navigating Being Marginalized Within Your Community
“It’s not hard to marginalize people when they’ve already done it to themselves.”, a quote by Mira Grant greatly relates to what can be taken away from the interview conducted with Nahjae. After conducting the interview, I found that Nahjae is a hard-working, 19-year-old college student, who also works part-time, and though she has parents from the Caribbean, doesn’t feel a strong sense of belonging to these places and identifies as a Black-American Woman. Nahjae belongs to the LGBTQ+ community, she identifies herself as a bi-sexual woman that prefers to date women but is still open to both genders. Amongst the many communities she is a part of, she chose to discuss her connection to the queer community (which I will be using as synonymous with the LGBTQ+ community), more specifically her experiences within it.

Nahjae resides within the LGBTQ+ community which would be considered the minority of sexuality in comparison to cis-gender straight individuals. The queer community has been marginalized and discriminated against historically and despite efforts for improvement socially and politically, continues to be sidelined to this day. The level to which the community is discriminated against and marginalized varies of course by other factors such as location and individual circumstances. In other countries there are still laws put in place against those part of the queer community, even here in America, same-sex marriage was criminalized until 2015, only eight years ago. This impacts social norms as many young children are seeing that some people think their sexuality should be illegal, if they are religious, some may be even told their sexuality is a sin. Socially, though we as a society see it more on our screens, whether in ads or movies, the queer community still faces discrimination and prejudice both in the workplace and just casually. Individuals apart of the LGBTQ+ community are more likely to experience hate, bullying, isolation from families and religious communities, harassment, and most critical violence. They are plagued with stressors like homelessness and depression just for their sexuality, hence why they are a marginalized community, life is more difficult for them just because of their sexuality. They are sidelined in just about all aspects of life and people are less inclined to feel sympathetic as they believe it is a choice.

Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community shaped Nahjae’s experience and way of life in many ways, specifically in self-perception both internally and in society. First, it made her unapologetically herself as she realized people will judge you for everything, therefore to be yourself no matter who feels a way about it. She discusses “imposter syndrome” and how discussing this phenomena with people from the LGBTQ+ community, really taught her to maintain a strong sense of self. Whether they validated her feelings by expressing a similar experience or if they made her feel like an imposter within her own community by questioning her ‘gayness’ and therefore made her have to validate herself, it truly impacted her positvively in the long run. She discusses tackling proving her identity and being bi-sexual but also the feelings of confusion and shame. This leads to the next point, the community also allowed her to feel acceptable for who she is. She said jokingly, “they made it okay to be gay”, before laughing but then explained that she felt a sense of connection and understanding amongst people in the community with struggles and experiences similar to her, in fact this connection is what community means to her. She felt a sense of comfort knowing there were people like her and she wasn’t ‘weird’ or as different as she thought she was. While her community played a significant
role in her development and her perception of herself, it also created conflict within herself and even exhibited bias towards her, a topic we will be discussing greatly in the next paragraph.

During the interview, I gained a lot of insight into Nahjae’s experience in the LBGTQ+ community, specifically as a black bi-sexual woman. Though I asked a few questions to probe her perspective on the communities she was a part of, the questions that seemed to get the most reaction from her regarded the marginalization and discrimination she faces within the community she is a part of. One of the questions I asked her was, “Have you ever experienced bias by someone within the same community as you?”, to which she responded “Yes, I have honestly”, as if she was shocked to have said it. This question took her longer to answer as she thought about it in great detail before listing her experience. She discussed how she faced prejudice as a bi-sexual woman within the black community, a community she feels a great belonging to and believes understands oppression, but also by other members of the queer community as well. Within the black community, she faced bias as many either make fun of or are judgemental about liking someone of the same gender, or tend to over-sexualize bi-sexual women as their way of ‘acceptance’. Furthermore, within the queer community, she shared personal experiences of people telling her to “pick a side”, and that she needs to exclusively identify as lesbian or just be straight based on whatever gender she is dating at the time. She even went on to express that certain people in the community wouldn’t date someone who likes both genders. This interested me as both of these communities are marginalized and have faced discrimination and harassment for years, however, they still find a way to spew hate towards members of their communities, just as their oppressors do to them. If one believes their community deserves justice, equity, and respect you would think they would advocate for others or at least show the bare minimum respect, especially after experiencing it firsthand as victims of oppression themselves. The other question that warranted a deep and most descriptive response from Nahjae was regarding stereotypes and how it impacts how she interacts with American society. In summary, she discussed the ignorant view of many straight cisgendered Americans that there is a ‘boyfriend’ and a ‘girlfriend’ in lesbian relationships, assuming one has to be masculine and assume the role of a man for it to work. She discusses how restrictive and confining this stereotype is, which will result in misconceptions and unprompted questions that may make someone uncomfortable. Finally this leads her to discuss one of the main forms of advocacy, as she realized how uneducated mainstream american society is, moreover, how american society needs more information and different representation to move towards a more progressive future.

As a black, low-income woman in the United States, I am a part of several marginalized communities. However, since I am a Heterosexual cisgender woman, I am a part of the majority in that sense and therefore am not oppressed due to sexual preference. In contrast, Nahjae faces oppression and bias because she deviates from the societal norm. This interview provided me with a deeper understanding of the LGBTQ+ community and more over the discrimination within the community. I previously believed the queer community seemed to be very progressive and supportive of one another. Though that may be true, there are still instances of bias among each other. One way I can advocate for the queer community is to promote representation. Voting for officials or even just supporting shows of different types of members of the queer community is important so there isn’t just one image of what it is to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Additionally, just learning more about the community is important, to stop ignorance and to maybe educate others who may be prejudiced, as hearing it from someone not a part of the LGBTQ+ community may help. Lastly, just being an ally is extremely beneficial, letting someone in the queer community know you hear their struggle, accept them for who they are, and will stand up for them when you have to make a significant difference, one ally at a time.